Procrastination or incubation

I’m in a dilemma, this is that I’m not, or maybe I just cannot, but I must do this first. You know if you give me some time I will.

Am I procrastinating? maybe.

In all seriousness, I am suffering from a dilemma. I have been told that when finishing you first draft of a novel you must move on to some other project. This is to give yourself distance from the characters and plot that has drilled them selves out of you brain for the last twelve months or so.
I have done this by writing the start of a new book. I have written the first three chapters and hit a wall, that wall being what comes next.
The problem started when I began to revise my first book. All I can see is where I need to take the characters into a second book.
I can see the sky. The people and most exciting of all the new characters that are beginning to pop into my head.

Every time I start to work on forth chapter of my new book that is supposed to distance me from this. I write like I’m writing for the second part of my first book.
I getting confused so you must be very confused.

My question is do I give in and start on the second book, while revising the first. Or preserver with the forth chapter of my new story?

I’m I just incubating the new story. It did start strong, then I hit the wall. I think it was that I have no idea where the story is going. It’s not that I need to know the ending, it’s just that I need a goal to aim for. That goal can move change or do what ever it wants. I just need something there to lead me.

Comment always welcome.

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Emotions part 3

I try to regret as little as possible.

I believe regret leads to only dark and hurtful thoughts. I suppose that if you look at any disision (it’s disision that make regrets) it’s to not make it a flippant one. Take time and make sure you have covered all aspects.

Looked at all the relevant paths and discarding the weak ones. What you are left with is the few true remaining paths. This for me limits the potential for regret.
It’s not foolproof, I have some regret to disision I have made but I am happy that at the time they seemed right. Hindsight is a wonderful tool only for a time traveler. Us simple folk will just have to make the best we can with what we have.

The Day After The Day Before.

Hi to everyone. After the last two posts I have decided to change my site a bit, make it lighter and more colourful. This is in the hope of raising the mood a bit. Suggestions are always welcome,  if you think its to light or to dark what ever you think I will listen. Comment at the bottom of the page or send me an Email.

Hi to my loyal follower, yes I have one Follower, it takes one more to make two then three and so on, you know how it works with counting. On my blogspot site I had a few followers but since moving they all went. When I received the email on my iphone today I was a very happy boy indeed. Also thanks to the recent comments there very welcomed. British Telecom say “it’s good to talk” I say “Its good to write” and I intend to do just that.

For obvious reasons I have found it difficult to work on the second draft of my book this week. It seemed that each time  pick up the macbook I start to digress into some other subject anything but my manuscript. (I can feel it happening now) So back on track, while doing my first edit I have found that I keep finding a lack of for-shadowing. There are a number of events that seem to just happen with no warning what so ever. My question is do I leave it for now and continue with the first edit like punctuation and grammar, or address there plot issues first. my instinct is to start rewriting from chapter one. Could it be that when I started this nearly two years ago I was a different writer. I have the kindle app on my Iphone and converted my book so I could refer to it while out and about. Because the screen is so small on the Iphone the book has over two thousand pages. I skipped to page eight hundred or so and began to read. To my surprise I found it a remarkably gripping read and realised that I written this part almost nine months ago. The difference between the beginning and the middle of the book is vast as to quality of writing. But the story is very strong. It’s questions like these that make me wonder if I should join a writing group of some kind. If anyone has any Comments or suggestions for me them please leave it below or email me.

Emotions

Recent events in my life have left me thinking a lot about emotion. On the 10th of may 2011 my father passed away and like every one who has ever lost a parent, it kind of hits you hard, or maybe I should say harder than you think it will.

He had been ill for many years, I thought I had prepared myself for the eventual outcome. The one thing I could not prepare for is how my emotions were going to act.

Because I write it seemed only right that I write something. The first night after his death I found myself writing about me and my father, mainly about him and the kind of man he was, the thing is that its all very personal and not suitable for a blog post. This left me with a dilemma. Do I follow the rule of;

“you must always write the truth no mater how painful”

or do I hold on to the personal info and find the middle ground. I just kept on writing what came, after two days I stopped to check what I had written, I noticed a pattern. That is I had been moving from who my dad had been to how I felt about him. His Stories and Poem’s have always effected me, eventually making me write stories for myself. As you can see its happening now I’m beginning to get personal. If unchecked I will probably pour out all over this macbook air.

I am a father, I have two boys. I also had a father of my own as you will have and every person who has ever lived will have.
My roll as the father of my children is quite traditional. I believe I should be a provider and protector to my family. Of course this also includes my wife, (she if really wonderful) as a father I’m to sacrifice my wants for the good of the family. This was my interpretation of the things passed down to me from my father.

My father passing away has lead to me reflecting back on my life. Being that I have known him all my life It stands that eventually I would reach my childhood. This was in the seventies as I was born in 1972. Things were different then. For example no Internet, no video films, never mind cable tv. There were only three tv channels and definitely no xbox or play station three, Just mum and dad and marbles.

I salute parents everywhere we are a result of them and our children will be a result of us.

Rest In Peace DAD, Love you always.

Photo of Keith glenn

Emotions part two

I thought, so I write.

Today while having a break at work I looked on what I had posted last night. People say I think to much, I might agree and promise what I have written below will be the last on my emotional state. (for a while anyway)

Grief Can be the most destructive of the emotions; it’s more like a lucky dip, depending on what part of your life your in. when you are in your younger years it’s all about working out how to deal with such loss.
As children we all look at our parents and regard them as invincible. Mum and dad will be there for ever. Then we have our first pet or relative pass away and the wall of safety is shook.
Like all things experience makes for control and composure. The more that pass away the better we deal with it.
Personally for me I sometimes feel I’m a bit to composed.

On the other end of the scale people who don’t except loss tend to have a hard time coming to terms with the person that has pass away. This can lead to all the bad emotions like anger and regret.

In the end it all comes to control, no one wants to have control took away from them. When we lose loved ones in my experience it’s when I felt at my most helpless.

There is nothing we can do to change this. No amount of wealth or power will bring that person back. In the end we all have to give in to the overwhelming power of death.
When we say that someone needs time to except the death, what we are really saying is we have to except that there is no mistake and no second chance and we are never going to see this person alive again.

How to deal with grief for me (and we all deal differently) it’s all about memory’s. We have this wonderful brain that holds everything we have ever seen, smelt, heard and touched. So take advantage and make what I call a memory box of the loved one who has pass away. Take any personal items you might have, place them in the box. Then in the years to come when you feel you might be losing there face or voice in your mind, take out the box and like a miracle it all comes flooding back. Sometimes with overwhelming results. But usually welcomed.
I have done this now more than once, each time I learn a bit more on how I deal with loss. The overwhelming lesson is that we should never be scared of our own memory’s. It’s this ability that sets us apart from all other life. We play things out in our minds so that we can learn and love from people who came before. To me this is a wonderful gift that we give when we die. My father was a great story teller and when he died I just searched in my mind to find all that he had told me. I now have enough material to last two life times. Thats mine and his, thanks dad.
This would not be if I shut of the memory’s.

To end this I will try and some it all up in one sentence. It is simply to remember and grief will become joy.

Diet or Not

I have been away for a break as anyone who has read my recent posts would know. Back home now and upon reflection of the last week have come to a realisation that everybody probably has after a bit of indulgence.

I’v Put some Weight On

So how do I lose it now I have put it on? This is what I think about losing weight. I have tried everything from over the counter tablets to magic tablets that I had to meet a Doctor each time before taking one. The drinks now there just silly or you do is starve yourself while feeding vitamins as a supplement. Why not just have fruit for your breakfast and lunch, then at least you chew something. .

I bought Atkins and at least three other books. Why haven’t anyone written a book about not using weightloss products? Maybe because the truth doesn’t sell. The truth is people only hear what you say when it’s what they want to hear.

We can all believe something that isn’t true, tell ourselves one thing and override common sense. Like If I leave part of my big mac I will lose weight. Right! Wrong!

There is no secret to fat loss .

Diets in general are I think not good.

The only Secret to losing weight is simple. Work hard, Plenty of exercise and eat less. Oh and don’t forget a balanced diet.

( I feel that Honesty Is needed here, while writing this post my wife brought me a packet of cheese and onion crisps and a class of beer. My apologies If this makes me out an hypocrite. In my defence I had salad for my Dinner)

please comment 🙂

Evolution or intelligent design, which?

Evolution or intelligent design which? 
As I approach my thirty-ninth year, my mind is constantly drawn towards the hereafter or the afterlife. I am approaching the middle of my life this leaves me or gives me a question.
Should I be thinking of the end of my life only half way through? I think not.
But I also think it is probably a common thing, as we approach half way through our lives and we start to think we may have less years ahead than what are behind us and we feel that we may have not achieved anything we really wanted to do. Then we reach this midlife and it dawns that we have less time in front, have we done what we wanted to do, then it dawns, have we done what we wanted to do with the time we have had? So this brings the question will I have another chance? Will I get another go? Will it be possible for me to do this again and maybe achieve the goals that I wanted to achieve in this life?
Thus Evolution verse Intelligent Design. Evolution tells us that we evolved over millions of years, ranging from primates, marsupials, mammals of all kinds, basically all starting from a point in time about 4.54 billion years ago where the conditions for the creation of this planet we fondly call Earth. Life started around 4 billion years ago, it is said that because of the many hits by asteroids that the process was started over and over again but 4 billion is the accepted figure.  There is two possible starts to this one from outer space and the other from right here on planet Earth nevertheless both make similar mechanisms for life to begin. Now all this is proven to a degree, it has evidence, it has highly educated people saying that this is the way it all started.
Where Intelligent Design can be tracked back just a few thousand years, I know people who are very much involved in Intelligent Design wether they believe it or not. In my opinion all aspects of anything to do with the supernatural wether it is spiritualism, religion or any of the fringes or fractions of faith. They all involve from some form of Intelligent Design. They all have some degree of belief that there is some higher power at work, it could be a god or just an unseen force at work. By implication this means some sort of Intelligence’s having a hand in the creation of things as we know it. Rather than just random events evolving, learning and evolving.
This led me to a year of research, I spent many months looking into spiritualism as people i know are heavily involved. I spent my time going to meetings and churches seeing people who are regarded as an authority in the supernatural, such as ghosts and spirit. As far as the meeting I attended, well I did have some experiences that would be classified as being supernatural. I have sat in a room with many people in a circle, I had a feeling you would get when coming in to land at an airport. That pressure on your face and eyes. Well, its like that, the whole room was like that. I cannot explain were this pressure came from, was it there from spiritualism? Or just there minds transmitting like telekinesis. There was about ten to twelve people in that room and every one of them came with the experience of what they believed, after meditation they were telling me things about people that were in the room and about myself. This was including dead people that were surrounding us.
I have tried my hardest to think from this point of view and I have a problem that there is no evidence its pure speculation. Even the things that have happened even the images I saw in my meditation, I saw things that were so provocative that, I wanted to make me believe! But this again don’t prove anything. Its purely me thinking, I can think of me flying through the sky or being in outer space it will not make it real. It just means its me thinking, it’s my imagination. It’s part of me making these things up. and this is the fundamental problem with Intelligent Design there is no proof. In the previous paragraph I list proofs but thats just the tip of what I can find out. I just don’t have the time to go through it all. People of faith say there is proof they say that Intelligent Design is all around us, that how could things just be random? How could organs, complicated organ develop like the eye, how could something so complicated as the eye not be of design. The brain, how could something so durable like the heart be not of design. In-fact what was before the heart or brain? How did creatures live with out them. The answer is all around us now. There are creatures in our seas that have eyes far less developed than humans many creatures have small brains and still manage a successful existence.
 Through these creatures we can map our selves all the way back to the beginning. Professor Richard Dawkins says in his book The Selfish Gene, that we are just a vessel for the gene and it is the gene that keeps itself moving through evolution. We are more like a by product, if it could find a more efficient way then we would soon be no more, replaced by a more efficient carrier.
After all said and done I’m afraid it leaves me where I started as a spectator of life of somebody that will not ever know what the answer is. I am, as you may guess from the writing swing towards the evolutionary path, I’m happy to be here to. I do believe that the evidence is stacked way against the Intelligent Design theory. There is no evidence that can be proved to support Intelligent Design no mater how far you look back. I could almost write a book on this subject itself as I feel quite strong about it. I just feel that it must come down to evidence and that evidence must be logical to bring about a logical outcome. Up to this day the evidence is not in favour of Intelligent Design it is in favour of Evolution.
A lot of Intelligent Design believers don’t believe they are on the side of Intelligent Design, they kind of skip between the two and this bothers me because some people believe in a higher power that supports them and helps them though life, while at the same time believing in Evolution. Only picking elements that suits them, this is a contradiction in belief full stop, its wrong in my opinion. They should make a dissuasion on were there going to stand. If you believe in Evolution then by implication you cannot believe in any part of Intelligent Design. Evolution is what it is, it cannot be turned it to a bit of the other it has to be that, purely fact based on the evidence that we hold to date. Other wise it isn’t Evolution. People do this probable for there own reasons maybe they feel a need it to support there life or more probable support with there death and the ever after. I am curious myself I cannot deny that I don’t like the idea of death. I have noticed that people who have lost someone close to them. Do seem to be more towards the atheist then the religions route. I think that because they have a vested interest in communicating with the dead and when there is no reply then then it deflates the argument. It always seems to be a distant relative that is contacted and not any one that can be verified. I suppose I should put my foot on one side of the fence its only fair after all the dispersions I’m making. At this point in my life what faith do I follow? Well I’m purely Evolutionist and I’m most definitely an Atheist in the simple sense of the word that I believe that there is no higher power. I believe that my life is my life and its up to me to make the best of that life. I should not be concentrating on the end of it right now being that I’m in the middle, I should be concentrating on my life and this is what I shall do from now on. Religion, spiritualism or what ever you want to go into, all seem to be a focus on the end of life. People all seem to be fixated with the hereafter and that in its self kind of means that if you live your life for your death then its kind of a waist of life, your not evolving as you should.
Please remember that this is all my personal opinion.
Please leave a comment I would like your opinion on any thing.

Relationships and the Facebook, Twitter revolution

Relationships and the Facebook, Twitter revolution

In my recent post Life Under Construction I talked about how life is never really finished building. Recent events in the lives of people I now illustrate that very well. The modern world with the communication tools we have today is great. (come on this is how I speak to you now) The internet and mobile technology has sent most of the world into communication overload. Where as only twenty years ago you would have only talked to an old school friend at the school reunion, Facebook and Twitter make this a daily occurrence for most people today.

There is a down side to all this, you may gasp in surprise. What with all this tech, how could there be a down side?
As always its relationships, boyfriends, girlfriends, man and wife maybe mother and son. These are relationships that have grown from a time before the Facebook, Twitter revolution. From a time before there was this option. A saying my mother still says to this day is “the grass is always greener on the other side” She would say this a lot when I was a kid growing up, looking at other kids wanting what they had, I have grown up to be a reasonably stable person and under stand that desirer is fleeting, once a goal is achieved we all move on to the next. Knowing this makes me think a bit more carefully before picking my next projects.

What has this to do with Facebook and Twitter?

I have seen things happen and normally Facebook or Twitter are involved for instance I have seen relationships fall apart because of one social network or another. Whether right or wrong these people found a new solution to there relationship problems through these mediums. Reaching out, connecting with people they would not normally discuss such maters with. (hay lets be honest dose it not cross your mind that maybe if people spoke to each other about there problems there might be more blank spaces on Facebook). Life is about stages, we move through them as we grow. Childhood and the ‘good old school days’ are really meant to stay there, in the past. Not to be revisited every day, scratching at old sparks that never grew to be a flame (There is normally a reason why they stayed as sparks in the first place). We move from school days to collage days, to marriage and then to have children of our own.
Its the marriage stage thats hard, especially when the children come along. If you can hold on, the next stage should be the best of all. Its this stage when the children have gone on there journey, that truly is for you and your partner. All the learning is finished, all the passing of experience to the next generation is done. This is when life is built and you are just applying the finishing touches to the decor.

Finally I believe if you can hold on to the one who came with you on most of this construction project we call life, then this stage is all the better for there presence. After all no one knows me like my wife.

Please Please comment, good or bad I really don’t mind.

Life Under Construction

SATURDAY, 9 APRIL 2011

Life Under Construction

I walked past a construction site the other day, I couldn’t help but observed the layout that had been laid for the road system and plots of land for new houses. There were raised kerbs showing the path of the road, like, well, a road map.

I used to work on construction sites and was always amazed at how organised these places are.  The sign at the entrance to the site had Under Construction written on it. As I walked home the similarities between this sign and life began to grow on me.

We all live our life in with a curtain amount of planning, weather it be a parent or a older brother or sister. who help us plan, laying down our kerbs before applying the multi layers we call experience.

At the end of this thought process I finish with a slightly changed sign post wrote upon it which is Life under Construction.

We are pushed and prodded to make our path. Eventually we take it upon ourselves to do the pushing. Building upon each layer rising into a small semi detached or if we are lucky layering until a great tall skyscraper dominating the skyline. Eventually with our layering finished we make new little bricks and become the pusher and prodder to these bricks until they start to lay there on kerbs.

So next time you see a new road or housing development think about the road your on in your life and how you got there. May be a side street is due. or it could be a highway is on the cards. Ether way, what ever road you are on just make sure its your road and what ever you do don’t forget how you got there and who were your pushers and prodders.

I apologise for taking the metaphor to maybe a new level. please leave a comment or email me.