The Day Before The Day After

I am no gardener, I know nothing of flower, foliage or tree. Whether it be a berry or a nut, fruit or veg. This for me is nightmare land.
Give me a patio to lay or a garden wall to build. Mowing the grass is the one I like. I mean I can plan this, where to start and where to finish with the least amount of passes. It’s a constant challenge to improve the route taken by the mower. You can see every Summer weekend men all over the world mowing grass and doing it there way because there way is always the best way. The man next door mows wrong.

After drinking far to much the night before. A morning of mowing the grass was (once the headache had been subdued) a pleasant pass time I would have loved to under take.

People with in the house that I live had other ideas. Ideas which were two ether side of the path that leads to the front of my house. Namely two 30+ year old hedges/bushes. It was time for these to go to the garden in the sky and spend the rest of eternity over growing gods front path.
I don’t like gardening, no really I don’t. Mud and insects is not my seen.
All morning and most the afternoon on two hedges, 3pm I finish. With mud and bits of worms under my finger nails.
This was not the worst of it, the worst was I had to watch my wife mow my grass, and yes she mowed it wrong.

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Emotions part 3

I try to regret as little as possible.

I believe regret leads to only dark and hurtful thoughts. I suppose that if you look at any disision (it’s disision that make regrets) it’s to not make it a flippant one. Take time and make sure you have covered all aspects.

Looked at all the relevant paths and discarding the weak ones. What you are left with is the few true remaining paths. This for me limits the potential for regret.
It’s not foolproof, I have some regret to disision I have made but I am happy that at the time they seemed right. Hindsight is a wonderful tool only for a time traveler. Us simple folk will just have to make the best we can with what we have.

Today

Its going to be a short one today, I’m a bit stuck for time. In short I want to thank the comments today, its nice to know that people are reading and with such good advice. How can I wish for more, some praise to.

My head expand-ith a little.

I have decided to write my blog each day because apparently if you do then people start to read it. I used to aim for one post a week but nothing ever happened. Since writing one a day I have a follower and comments to boot.

The hard part is to revise the book at the same time, it seams that I’m setting a routine of home from work, eat food then write blog, then revise book and finely bed. All this after a full day at work.

My head expand-ith a little more.

Sounds good ah, well in a perfect world it would be, unfortunately I live in the real world and I have two lovely but loud children and a slightly demanding wife. (in the good way). I was going to repeat the head expand-ith thing but think it to much now maybe.

Said it would be short Didn’t I.

I have put a picture for your pleasure below.

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Sophie my cat. (she didn’t like the flash)

Emotions

Recent events in my life have left me thinking a lot about emotion. On the 10th of may 2011 my father passed away and like every one who has ever lost a parent, it kind of hits you hard, or maybe I should say harder than you think it will.

He had been ill for many years, I thought I had prepared myself for the eventual outcome. The one thing I could not prepare for is how my emotions were going to act.

Because I write it seemed only right that I write something. The first night after his death I found myself writing about me and my father, mainly about him and the kind of man he was, the thing is that its all very personal and not suitable for a blog post. This left me with a dilemma. Do I follow the rule of;

“you must always write the truth no mater how painful”

or do I hold on to the personal info and find the middle ground. I just kept on writing what came, after two days I stopped to check what I had written, I noticed a pattern. That is I had been moving from who my dad had been to how I felt about him. His Stories and Poem’s have always effected me, eventually making me write stories for myself. As you can see its happening now I’m beginning to get personal. If unchecked I will probably pour out all over this macbook air.

I am a father, I have two boys. I also had a father of my own as you will have and every person who has ever lived will have.
My roll as the father of my children is quite traditional. I believe I should be a provider and protector to my family. Of course this also includes my wife, (she if really wonderful) as a father I’m to sacrifice my wants for the good of the family. This was my interpretation of the things passed down to me from my father.

My father passing away has lead to me reflecting back on my life. Being that I have known him all my life It stands that eventually I would reach my childhood. This was in the seventies as I was born in 1972. Things were different then. For example no Internet, no video films, never mind cable tv. There were only three tv channels and definitely no xbox or play station three, Just mum and dad and marbles.

I salute parents everywhere we are a result of them and our children will be a result of us.

Rest In Peace DAD, Love you always.

Photo of Keith glenn

Emotions part two

I thought, so I write.

Today while having a break at work I looked on what I had posted last night. People say I think to much, I might agree and promise what I have written below will be the last on my emotional state. (for a while anyway)

Grief Can be the most destructive of the emotions; it’s more like a lucky dip, depending on what part of your life your in. when you are in your younger years it’s all about working out how to deal with such loss.
As children we all look at our parents and regard them as invincible. Mum and dad will be there for ever. Then we have our first pet or relative pass away and the wall of safety is shook.
Like all things experience makes for control and composure. The more that pass away the better we deal with it.
Personally for me I sometimes feel I’m a bit to composed.

On the other end of the scale people who don’t except loss tend to have a hard time coming to terms with the person that has pass away. This can lead to all the bad emotions like anger and regret.

In the end it all comes to control, no one wants to have control took away from them. When we lose loved ones in my experience it’s when I felt at my most helpless.

There is nothing we can do to change this. No amount of wealth or power will bring that person back. In the end we all have to give in to the overwhelming power of death.
When we say that someone needs time to except the death, what we are really saying is we have to except that there is no mistake and no second chance and we are never going to see this person alive again.

How to deal with grief for me (and we all deal differently) it’s all about memory’s. We have this wonderful brain that holds everything we have ever seen, smelt, heard and touched. So take advantage and make what I call a memory box of the loved one who has pass away. Take any personal items you might have, place them in the box. Then in the years to come when you feel you might be losing there face or voice in your mind, take out the box and like a miracle it all comes flooding back. Sometimes with overwhelming results. But usually welcomed.
I have done this now more than once, each time I learn a bit more on how I deal with loss. The overwhelming lesson is that we should never be scared of our own memory’s. It’s this ability that sets us apart from all other life. We play things out in our minds so that we can learn and love from people who came before. To me this is a wonderful gift that we give when we die. My father was a great story teller and when he died I just searched in my mind to find all that he had told me. I now have enough material to last two life times. Thats mine and his, thanks dad.
This would not be if I shut of the memory’s.

To end this I will try and some it all up in one sentence. It is simply to remember and grief will become joy.

Day four Butlins

9:16am Woke from the crypt about an hour ago. Within five mins I found myself trying to ma bubble solution for a bubble gun. Not going so well, might visit the shop after all.
This is the final full day of our little break so it’s going to be action packed and full on for the kids, and me. Apparently they are planing to take me on all The rides today. That includes the ones I don’t want to go on. A fathers work is never done. Is that the saying, well to me it is. (I love it really)

This is a picture I wanted to put on yesterday’s post. Its of my family, I thought you should meet them in all there glory at brighton beach.

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12:31 Been swimming and very hungry now. We managed to do all the slides today, kids loved it. The wife broke her fear of slides and I didn’t get stuck in the boat. Quick shower and change then back out to play.

15:52pm Fair grounds, they just don’t agree with me. All that spinning and dropping. Up and down up and down, then round and round finishing with that sudden stop. Except the head is still moving up and down round and round. I feel funny just writing about it. I think that eating a potato with cheese and beans did not help. I did manage to keep it down and the kids had great fun in my misery. If the happy I’m happy.
Once my stomach has calmed down we headed for the bumper car, good fun. The some bright spark suggested we here a four Seater go cart. The kind you peddle round for half an hour. Both the kids in front enjoying the ride. Me and my wife in back me steering and both us peddling. Needless to say I did not think I would be doing a workout today.
We have decided to head back tonight. It’s the royal wedding tomorrow and we have to drive near London and I think there maybe problems on the roads as they have closed many for the wedding. Kids are having a big spend on the arcades, then a meal to fuel the journey home.
00:53am We have arrived home fifteen minutes ago. A smooth four hour drive, the children slept all the way. I listened to Stephen King the dark tower book 5 and a podcast called writing excusers.
I intend to keep up with the posts. Wether it will be daily we will have to see. The subject mater will be more writing orientated, my is far to boring otherwise.

Day three at Butlins

7:37am Wrestling, that’s all I can say. If dreams mean anything see what you make of this, I was wearing a wrestling mask like the one my son wore in my last post. Running round the streets and slums of Rio, beneath that great wonder, Jesus Christ the saviour. I was being chased by a gang who wanted to do me harm. The reason for this escapes me. There maybe a short story in this some were who knows I’m never short of ideas.

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On a more related topic, the plan today is to have a day trip to Brighton beach. I checked on the satnav and it’s about a forty min drive. We should just get there before the kids start asking the dreaded “are we there yet” over and over. If you are wondering the Seagulls were quiet or I slept heavy, ether way all smiles here.

16:47pm set off to Brighton about 10:30am and arrived 11:42am. Took a little longer than I thought it would be. Finding a parking space became desperate about half way down the sea front. We pulled into the next car park in fear of not finding one. This was a mistake for the charges were £4 first hour £8 for one to two hours and £16 two to four hours. If there wasn’t a car behind me I would have reversed before going thought the barrier.
All had a great time walking down the front, then finishing off with a. Bowl of Chinese vegetable noodles. Weather had been slow to start but very warm by 1 o’clock.
I had my picture taken with Kate Middleton (see below)

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Got back to the resort, headed to the pub for my ritual afternoon pint of guinness. A young child managed to cut his face open on a play frame next to where we were siting. A little bit of a commotion then all was good again.
Back to apartment for a chill then shower and change.

23:30pm Centre stage tonight and watched Street-life a dance/singing group. They are very good, we highly enjoyed the show.
My youngest son wanted a Bubble gun. Thats a plastic gun that shoots bubbles. He had the best of times, until the bubbles ran out then he hands it to me. Nothing said just that look to say fix it. He turned and went back to whatever he was doing. I’m left with a bubble gun with no bubbles. To avoid disappointing him I will take a trip to the shop first thing.
Once again a good night had by all. This is turning into one of the best breaks we have had as a family. If it wasn’t for the sad news we had it would have been perfect.

R.I.P. Katerina.

Life certainly knows how to throw them. This week had kind of turned into a dairy blog. I’m not sure if this will continue or not. You see placing two or three notes to blog about later, seems to prevent me from writing other things. Time will tell as it always will.

Please comment or email me .

Butlins day two

5:15am Seagulls, are these great and beautiful creatures, gliding above our heads. Great White and grey birds of the sea. NO they are noisy little scavengers. We sat eating a lovely meal last night when one decided to land on the table next to us, it gave us a weary look and proceeded to take great big chips and nock it’s head back taking them one by one. We found this fun to watch untill it’s friends decided to join him. I say friends but they were far from friends, fighting began, the biggest won.
Then this morning they give me a wake up call at 5:15am. Needless to say not my most favourite bird.

08:03am woke up after getting back to sleep after the cacophony of seagull music. Kid have just woke, the sun is shining and we are going to have a fun time with wave machines and water slides. After breakfast of course.

12:01pm been to the pool had the waves and took my oldest son his first fast water slide. He was scared, at the grand old age of ten their are many first’s to be had. His was the space bowl, a fast flume that drops you into a big bowl Which you spin round until you slow enough to fall from the bottom into 2.6 meters of water. I went first, apparently creating a laugh for many onlookers as I splashed down. (I’m not a small man) My son did me proud, landed and swam out with no problem. He then told me he is not doing that again until he is older.

14:56pm fish and chips. A must when at a British beach. The only problem is that I’m at a British beach until Friday. That at least for lots of fish and chips in one week. I managed to work of the food today by watching the kids in some water walkers. Very good fun, must have laughed for the whole ten min’s. Pint of Guinness (a bit early even for me but heck, I’m on holiday)

19:20 I’m starting to feel like a alcoholic because I’m about to say I’m siting in a pub having a drink of Guinness. But at three o’clock I was having a drink. So to you it may seem that I have been drinking all this time. I will give you my word that I had one this afternoon and one now. We took the kids back for a siesta. Generally we have three choices of venue in the evening. Reds(not so young), Centre Stage(can have adult themes) and main stage(young children).
My youngest has gone to main stage to watch Barney. Older one is addicted to two pence machine. We are in-between them both having a drink. I love holidays they seem to get better as the years go on.

23:21pm We had some bad news regards a family member at 8:30pm. Wife is up set. Kids being kids(unaware of bad news) had a great time watching wrestling in Reds. There was two fights plus a tag match. My eldest is a confirmed wrestling fan now. They had photos with the wrestlers and the big pointy foam fingers also brought them a wrestling mask each. A good night had by them. Not due back until Friday, only with the bad news comes possibility of early end to the break. I think its a case of wait to see what tomorrow brings.
Below my eldest in his mask.

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