I’m quite sure I called him each one of these at least one or twice. If memory serves me, my sister love to call him pops. Without a doubt he was one of the most influential role models in my life, he was an amazing man. This is becoming more and more apparent as the years start to pass now that he is gone. He had a huge heart and loved his family, especially at times like today when we would all come together to celebrate his accomplishment of being the father of four children. I admire his drive to have his own business, his dream was to have all his children working with him in a family business. Sadly this dream was never realised but his willingness to take that risk is worth admiration. I loved the way people would always have something nice to say about him.
My dad didn’t get to stay with us as long as I would have liked. He passed away two years ago. But not forgotten is what today is about, because he is and never will be forgotten. My relationship with my Dad has influenced me in ways I would never have imagined. He loved his poetry and my older brother has taken that torch with a flair that would make my dad proud. My oldest brother has his temperament and holds it so close I sometimes have a double take when he speaks, again my dad would be very proud. As for my sister, well she has his humour in abundance. When she laughs, she lights up just as he used to. If you catch her in the right moment she would probably laugh her-self into the ground.
As for me, well I have his story telling. He was the master of telling a story. He would reminisce about old army days and rugby tails of fights and laughs. Out of all my siblings I believe I got the best deal. I have children of my own and they call me dad now, (never pops or old man) and if I take one lesson I have learnt from my dad, it is that your children will always need you even though they say they don’t. I will be the best father I can be as my dad was the best he could be.
On Father’s Day tell your Dad you love him, or if he isn’t here, take a moment to think of him.
Today while having a break at work I looked on what I had posted last night. People say I think to much, I might agree and promise what I have written below will be the last on my emotional state. (for a while anyway)
Grief Can be the most destructive of the emotions; it’s more like a lucky dip, depending on what part of your life your in. when you are in your younger years it’s all about working out how to deal with such loss.
As children we all look at our parents and regard them as invincible. Mum and dad will be there for ever. Then we have our first pet or relative pass away and the wall of safety is shook.
Like all things experience makes for control and composure. The more that pass away the better we deal with it.
Personally for me I sometimes feel I’m a bit to composed.
On the other end of the scale people who don’t except loss tend to have a hard time coming to terms with the person that has pass away. This can lead to all the bad emotions like anger and regret.
In the end it all comes to control, no one wants to have control took away from them. When we lose loved ones in my experience it’s when I felt at my most helpless.
There is nothing we can do to change this. No amount of wealth or power will bring that person back. In the end we all have to give in to the overwhelming power of death.
When we say that someone needs time to except the death, what we are really saying is we have to except that there is no mistake and no second chance and we are never going to see this person alive again.
How to deal with grief for me (and we all deal differently) it’s all about memory’s. We have this wonderful brain that holds everything we have ever seen, smelt, heard and touched. So take advantage and make what I call a memory box of the loved one who has pass away. Take any personal items you might have, place them in the box. Then in the years to come when you feel you might be losing there face or voice in your mind, take out the box and like a miracle it all comes flooding back. Sometimes with overwhelming results. But usually welcomed.
I have done this now more than once, each time I learn a bit more on how I deal with loss. The overwhelming lesson is that we should never be scared of our own memory’s. It’s this ability that sets us apart from all other life. We play things out in our minds so that we can learn and love from people who came before. To me this is a wonderful gift that we give when we die. My father was a great story teller and when he died I just searched in my mind to find all that he had told me. I now have enough material to last two life times. Thats mine and his, thanks dad.
This would not be if I shut of the memory’s.
To end this I will try and some it all up in one sentence. It is simply to remember and grief will become joy.