The Day Before The Day After

I am no gardener, I know nothing of flower, foliage or tree. Whether it be a berry or a nut, fruit or veg. This for me is nightmare land.
Give me a patio to lay or a garden wall to build. Mowing the grass is the one I like. I mean I can plan this, where to start and where to finish with the least amount of passes. It’s a constant challenge to improve the route taken by the mower. You can see every Summer weekend men all over the world mowing grass and doing it there way because there way is always the best way. The man next door mows wrong.

After drinking far to much the night before. A morning of mowing the grass was (once the headache had been subdued) a pleasant pass time I would have loved to under take.

People with in the house that I live had other ideas. Ideas which were two ether side of the path that leads to the front of my house. Namely two 30+ year old hedges/bushes. It was time for these to go to the garden in the sky and spend the rest of eternity over growing gods front path.
I don’t like gardening, no really I don’t. Mud and insects is not my seen.
All morning and most the afternoon on two hedges, 3pm I finish. With mud and bits of worms under my finger nails.
This was not the worst of it, the worst was I had to watch my wife mow my grass, and yes she mowed it wrong.

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Emotions part 3

I try to regret as little as possible.

I believe regret leads to only dark and hurtful thoughts. I suppose that if you look at any disision (it’s disision that make regrets) it’s to not make it a flippant one. Take time and make sure you have covered all aspects.

Looked at all the relevant paths and discarding the weak ones. What you are left with is the few true remaining paths. This for me limits the potential for regret.
It’s not foolproof, I have some regret to disision I have made but I am happy that at the time they seemed right. Hindsight is a wonderful tool only for a time traveler. Us simple folk will just have to make the best we can with what we have.

The Day After The Day Before.

Hi to everyone. After the last two posts I have decided to change my site a bit, make it lighter and more colourful. This is in the hope of raising the mood a bit. Suggestions are always welcome,  if you think its to light or to dark what ever you think I will listen. Comment at the bottom of the page or send me an Email.

Hi to my loyal follower, yes I have one Follower, it takes one more to make two then three and so on, you know how it works with counting. On my blogspot site I had a few followers but since moving they all went. When I received the email on my iphone today I was a very happy boy indeed. Also thanks to the recent comments there very welcomed. British Telecom say “it’s good to talk” I say “Its good to write” and I intend to do just that.

For obvious reasons I have found it difficult to work on the second draft of my book this week. It seemed that each time  pick up the macbook I start to digress into some other subject anything but my manuscript. (I can feel it happening now) So back on track, while doing my first edit I have found that I keep finding a lack of for-shadowing. There are a number of events that seem to just happen with no warning what so ever. My question is do I leave it for now and continue with the first edit like punctuation and grammar, or address there plot issues first. my instinct is to start rewriting from chapter one. Could it be that when I started this nearly two years ago I was a different writer. I have the kindle app on my Iphone and converted my book so I could refer to it while out and about. Because the screen is so small on the Iphone the book has over two thousand pages. I skipped to page eight hundred or so and began to read. To my surprise I found it a remarkably gripping read and realised that I written this part almost nine months ago. The difference between the beginning and the middle of the book is vast as to quality of writing. But the story is very strong. It’s questions like these that make me wonder if I should join a writing group of some kind. If anyone has any Comments or suggestions for me them please leave it below or email me.

Emotions

Recent events in my life have left me thinking a lot about emotion. On the 10th of may 2011 my father passed away and like every one who has ever lost a parent, it kind of hits you hard, or maybe I should say harder than you think it will.

He had been ill for many years, I thought I had prepared myself for the eventual outcome. The one thing I could not prepare for is how my emotions were going to act.

Because I write it seemed only right that I write something. The first night after his death I found myself writing about me and my father, mainly about him and the kind of man he was, the thing is that its all very personal and not suitable for a blog post. This left me with a dilemma. Do I follow the rule of;

“you must always write the truth no mater how painful”

or do I hold on to the personal info and find the middle ground. I just kept on writing what came, after two days I stopped to check what I had written, I noticed a pattern. That is I had been moving from who my dad had been to how I felt about him. His Stories and Poem’s have always effected me, eventually making me write stories for myself. As you can see its happening now I’m beginning to get personal. If unchecked I will probably pour out all over this macbook air.

I am a father, I have two boys. I also had a father of my own as you will have and every person who has ever lived will have.
My roll as the father of my children is quite traditional. I believe I should be a provider and protector to my family. Of course this also includes my wife, (she if really wonderful) as a father I’m to sacrifice my wants for the good of the family. This was my interpretation of the things passed down to me from my father.

My father passing away has lead to me reflecting back on my life. Being that I have known him all my life It stands that eventually I would reach my childhood. This was in the seventies as I was born in 1972. Things were different then. For example no Internet, no video films, never mind cable tv. There were only three tv channels and definitely no xbox or play station three, Just mum and dad and marbles.

I salute parents everywhere we are a result of them and our children will be a result of us.

Rest In Peace DAD, Love you always.

Photo of Keith glenn

Emotions part two

I thought, so I write.

Today while having a break at work I looked on what I had posted last night. People say I think to much, I might agree and promise what I have written below will be the last on my emotional state. (for a while anyway)

Grief Can be the most destructive of the emotions; it’s more like a lucky dip, depending on what part of your life your in. when you are in your younger years it’s all about working out how to deal with such loss.
As children we all look at our parents and regard them as invincible. Mum and dad will be there for ever. Then we have our first pet or relative pass away and the wall of safety is shook.
Like all things experience makes for control and composure. The more that pass away the better we deal with it.
Personally for me I sometimes feel I’m a bit to composed.

On the other end of the scale people who don’t except loss tend to have a hard time coming to terms with the person that has pass away. This can lead to all the bad emotions like anger and regret.

In the end it all comes to control, no one wants to have control took away from them. When we lose loved ones in my experience it’s when I felt at my most helpless.

There is nothing we can do to change this. No amount of wealth or power will bring that person back. In the end we all have to give in to the overwhelming power of death.
When we say that someone needs time to except the death, what we are really saying is we have to except that there is no mistake and no second chance and we are never going to see this person alive again.

How to deal with grief for me (and we all deal differently) it’s all about memory’s. We have this wonderful brain that holds everything we have ever seen, smelt, heard and touched. So take advantage and make what I call a memory box of the loved one who has pass away. Take any personal items you might have, place them in the box. Then in the years to come when you feel you might be losing there face or voice in your mind, take out the box and like a miracle it all comes flooding back. Sometimes with overwhelming results. But usually welcomed.
I have done this now more than once, each time I learn a bit more on how I deal with loss. The overwhelming lesson is that we should never be scared of our own memory’s. It’s this ability that sets us apart from all other life. We play things out in our minds so that we can learn and love from people who came before. To me this is a wonderful gift that we give when we die. My father was a great story teller and when he died I just searched in my mind to find all that he had told me. I now have enough material to last two life times. Thats mine and his, thanks dad.
This would not be if I shut of the memory’s.

To end this I will try and some it all up in one sentence. It is simply to remember and grief will become joy.

Odyssey, the Fantasy Writing Workshop

Odyssey, the Fantasy Writing Workshop.

ODYSSEY - The Fantasy Writing Workshop

I came across this web site a few weeks ago, I have found it very helpful. Especially the pod casts, download them and get some very valuable advice from some of the best authors around. The podcast include talks from Publishers, Agents, and Authors.

If you find the site helpful let me know.

Relationships and the Facebook, Twitter revolution

Relationships and the Facebook, Twitter revolution

In my recent post Life Under Construction I talked about how life is never really finished building. Recent events in the lives of people I now illustrate that very well. The modern world with the communication tools we have today is great. (come on this is how I speak to you now) The internet and mobile technology has sent most of the world into communication overload. Where as only twenty years ago you would have only talked to an old school friend at the school reunion, Facebook and Twitter make this a daily occurrence for most people today.

There is a down side to all this, you may gasp in surprise. What with all this tech, how could there be a down side?
As always its relationships, boyfriends, girlfriends, man and wife maybe mother and son. These are relationships that have grown from a time before the Facebook, Twitter revolution. From a time before there was this option. A saying my mother still says to this day is “the grass is always greener on the other side” She would say this a lot when I was a kid growing up, looking at other kids wanting what they had, I have grown up to be a reasonably stable person and under stand that desirer is fleeting, once a goal is achieved we all move on to the next. Knowing this makes me think a bit more carefully before picking my next projects.

What has this to do with Facebook and Twitter?

I have seen things happen and normally Facebook or Twitter are involved for instance I have seen relationships fall apart because of one social network or another. Whether right or wrong these people found a new solution to there relationship problems through these mediums. Reaching out, connecting with people they would not normally discuss such maters with. (hay lets be honest dose it not cross your mind that maybe if people spoke to each other about there problems there might be more blank spaces on Facebook). Life is about stages, we move through them as we grow. Childhood and the ‘good old school days’ are really meant to stay there, in the past. Not to be revisited every day, scratching at old sparks that never grew to be a flame (There is normally a reason why they stayed as sparks in the first place). We move from school days to collage days, to marriage and then to have children of our own.
Its the marriage stage thats hard, especially when the children come along. If you can hold on, the next stage should be the best of all. Its this stage when the children have gone on there journey, that truly is for you and your partner. All the learning is finished, all the passing of experience to the next generation is done. This is when life is built and you are just applying the finishing touches to the decor.

Finally I believe if you can hold on to the one who came with you on most of this construction project we call life, then this stage is all the better for there presence. After all no one knows me like my wife.

Please Please comment, good or bad I really don’t mind.

Life Under Construction

SATURDAY, 9 APRIL 2011

Life Under Construction

I walked past a construction site the other day, I couldn’t help but observed the layout that had been laid for the road system and plots of land for new houses. There were raised kerbs showing the path of the road, like, well, a road map.

I used to work on construction sites and was always amazed at how organised these places are.  The sign at the entrance to the site had Under Construction written on it. As I walked home the similarities between this sign and life began to grow on me.

We all live our life in with a curtain amount of planning, weather it be a parent or a older brother or sister. who help us plan, laying down our kerbs before applying the multi layers we call experience.

At the end of this thought process I finish with a slightly changed sign post wrote upon it which is Life under Construction.

We are pushed and prodded to make our path. Eventually we take it upon ourselves to do the pushing. Building upon each layer rising into a small semi detached or if we are lucky layering until a great tall skyscraper dominating the skyline. Eventually with our layering finished we make new little bricks and become the pusher and prodder to these bricks until they start to lay there on kerbs.

So next time you see a new road or housing development think about the road your on in your life and how you got there. May be a side street is due. or it could be a highway is on the cards. Ether way, what ever road you are on just make sure its your road and what ever you do don’t forget how you got there and who were your pushers and prodders.

I apologise for taking the metaphor to maybe a new level. please leave a comment or email me.